People wonder why i dont tell my family about my depression past and present. Everyone has something that causes it, or a lot of somethings but normally one bigger thing than others. The harsh truth of mine is that its them. And as much as that’s true, its not bad enough for me to wanna put it on them yet. I would get too much satisfaction from it and besides my mum would use it for the next year as an attention grabber for herself from everyone she knows. No thankyou. So i keep it hidden. I’ve made a couple mistakes recently though, i’ve changed my job so now i’m home with them after work and at weekends and i cant afford to move out and the funny thing is i changed jobs for more money and this is like the downside to it. So i either change it back and be the slightest bit happy or i stay where i am and want to kill myself every other day. I’ve got a 2 and a half week holiday with them and i’m not lookin forward to it in the slightest, i dont know how it even happened, i only wanted to go bcos i got to take a mate. Was something agreed years ago, next time we went, and probs the last hol together, i would get to take a friend, had that option not been valid i would of said no to going. I never thought about the friend deciding no. Then it all was planned and suddenly bam, i’m going on a wonderfully long holiday, without a friend. Its going to be very lonely, and nobody gets that. How do people not understand that you can be lonely around people if they’re not the right people. That some people just make you feel like shit regardless of where you are. O well, so now i really hate my life again and i feel how i always end up feeling, i do love how i keep circling back that just when i’d tried to change it. I think mayb its something that is never gonna change, that it jst is.